My New Year’s Prayer

As we bid farewell to the second of the New Year’s days,
hear my simple entreaties Dear Lord I pray.
Not participating in Miss World so won’t say please end all war and strife,
(Though yes I humbly ask for peace and happiness in everybody’s life).
My wishes are more plebian but I still ask with all my might,
Dear God will you please please pretty please abolish cellulite!
And though for others I may cook and bake,
may celery sticks form the bulk of my food intake.
And believe me I did always lament,
That I have not the patience of a saint.
So help me God that I am not an acerbic witch,
when dealing with the friendly neighbourhood bitch.
And also help me be patient demure and coy,
when well meaning aunties trot out eligible boys
And dear lord deliver me from the he-men who swagger and strut and flirt and think they are ‘it’,
when in any civilized society they would be deemed misfits
These dudes drive me outa my mind,
so can you please send my way the men who are loving, giving, witty, bright and kind?
And Lord If it’s not asking for too much in a potential urbane mate,
may this wonderful wonderful man also be single and straight?